I-70 EAST It was one hundred years stronger than the thousand-year flood, when you said that you’d no longer let your heart pump it’s blood through my veins. Then came the crosswinds of Kansas, unleashed, and it pushed me hard, north and south, all down I-70 East. As I tore home to my mother, before her health, it would fail, at 94, I felt another love leaving me lost, like a nail in a cross. Just like the letters you mailed, when your love ceased, said you want nothing more for or from someone like me. Yeah, and yesterday’s Rose still keeps my old prose, but now she says it just reads forlorn to her and, well, antique. With her wild beauty and a brand-new birthmark above her right rosy-red cheek, she lays across her lover’s body, and I feel her thorns and I’m feelin’ weak. She did, and does, with and of the love of her life now ever lost, still, never speak. So, come what may, come tomorrow, as I drive through this here Hays, and through Salina and then through Lawrence, and for the rest of my days, I will still always remember your brightest smile and childish ways, and how you took my life and, with your new love, you ran out like blood from my veins. Yeah, and how you took my life and, with your new love, you ran out like blood from my veins. © 2019 Bill Scorzari

INSIDE MY HEART You don’t like flowers, or me, waiting at your door when you’re not home. You said you’re not afraid to be out on your own, but then you found out you don’t like to be alone, and, you said, I wasn’t there. So, you left your late-night mystery, drawn out by the revelry, and found someone you said was, “just around.” And then you told me that I never cared, and then you said that, when it happened, you got scared. Yeah, well, it seems you’re ok now. Do you remember who I was to you, and you to me? I know that will be hard for you to see, now that I’m just a vision of the past you left behind long before you knew me. But, when you look at those who broke your heart, possessed and tore your soul apart, you’ll find that their cause was never mine, and how their voices fill the silence when I try to speak. I mean, I might as well just sign all the letters of their names, as if they’re mine. But, they’re not mine. And, these days, I’m stronger, although, I know that nothing’s going to change your mind. I should be more careful who I love. And, I will no longer be driven by this hunger or these tears, or deathly fear the absence of all truth in all things said, or feel you judge, with apprehension of my worth. This jealousy is death, and what’s worse is, I have let you take my mind to dark places I have never been. But, now, I’m finding my way back again and I will just be keeping what is mine. You said you had your reasons and you want me to be them, or to “get even,” or... Well, that has not got anything to do with me. You just looked for someone else to see and then you turned, and then you turned away. And, all the things you say you want and need, well, you had them all right here in me. I never strayed in all our years, but you, you just gave it all away. And when I look right at that mystery, there is nothing there to see, nothing to know. So, I no longer look for it to show. When I start to stop the search that’s in my mind, that’s when I find there’s no question. For all this time, the answer has always been right here, inside my heart. Inside my heart. Inside, my heart. © 2019 Bill Scorzari

ALL BEHIND ME NOW The road’s wide open. My heart’s wide open. My mind’s wide open. The words I’ve spoken are all behind me now. Your heart’s been broken. My heart’s been broken. The doors are closed and, like some twisted joke, it’s not funny, but everybody just keeps laughin’ anyhow, and then you turn to me and say, “Hey, did you hear the one about how you’ll be hidin’ the rain behind your old sunglasses and still ridin’ this train after my station passes? Bye. And, how I’ll put all of my thoughts into a new straw hat and say, ‘I don’t have to care,’ and leave you there with that, and, you’ll think that it was all just a lie, or that I forgot the punch line somehow, or, ha, maybe I just didn’t tell it right.” And, right here, right now, in these days, I’m not scared, I’m not lost, I’m not helpless, I am the source of my own strength, and I, I just can’t cry for you anymore. So, go on and get you that “Wild Strawberry” tattoo on your neck. I mean, ok, what the heck. Like most other things, it can no longer mean to me what it would have meant to me before. And, just keep pourin’ your pain into your bourbon glass, and take the pictures you framed down off of your walls at last, and cry. Remember, you showed me how you’re never comin’ back and you’re not leavin’ your key under your old doormat. And, then you said to me, “It’s ‘cause you never tried. You never tried. You never tried. You never tried. You never... tried.” And, it’s such a sad, sad, day, when all the things that used to heal you can no longer heal you. And, beyond that, well, I guess that I’ve just got nothin’ more to say, except that, I have finally found my self, beyond the sorrow and the blame, deep in the silence. Like nobody chasing nothing. Like a ghost facing the darkness with just a whisper no one can hear. Like, while I’m standing here, no one can see me anyway, hidin’ the rain behind my old sunglasses and still ridin’ this train. Each time your station passes, I say, “Bye.” You’ve still got all of your thoughts up in your new straw hat. And no, you don’t “have to care.” Yeah, I will give you that. But you said that you did. And you did, for such a long time. For such a long time. For such a long, long, time. And now, the road’s wide open. My heart’s wide open. My mind’s wide open. The words I’ve spoken are all behind me now. Yeah, the road’s wide open. My heart’s wide open. My mind’s wide open. The words I’ve spoken are all behind me now. They’re all behind me now. © 2019 Bill Scorzari

MULTNOMAH FALLS I’d like to find some time for thinkin’. But there’s never time enough, you know. With all the chasin’ down and runnin’ ‘round, lately, I’ve just got time to go. I’d hoped to tell you how I’m feeling. Truth is that, I don’t really know how I might find the time to try and tell you so. But, if I could, I’d say, “The day’s too long, and the night’s all wrong.” You used to wrap your arms around me, and all the clouds would chase the wind, and they’d wipe the rain they’d cried right from the sky, and then the sun would shine again. But the clouds are long, now, over Sunnyside Road, and they’re casting shadows far and wide below. And, it’s so dark, now, down in Happy Valley, it’s hard to be out here all alone. Yeah, the day’s too long, and the night’s all wrong. Well, I had never been to Oregon, but you’d acted like you had seen it all. So, I climbed eleven switchbacks, in the rain. As they turned me around, I found fire burns worse after it burns out, bridges burn to the ground. It’s a long way down from the top of Multnomah Falls. Yeah, you were flyin’ on wings, then, all your own. But then you found a road that takes you home. You said, you hoped I won’t be lonely, now that you’re leavin’ me alone. And, when there was nothing more you’d left to say, you said you’re sorry things turned out “this way.” Then you got quiet, and you said, “But it’s too late.” And then, you turned to stone. And, the day’s too long, and the night’s all wrong. So, now, I’m singing to your memory, and to the days gone by and to what will be, although I know you wouldn’t care to want me to, ‘cause you’ve got your goin’ done. Well, I’m still just tryin’ to get through it. And the day’s too long, and the night’s all wrong. Yeah, the day’s too long, and the night’s all wrong. Yeah, the day’s too long, and the night’s all wrong. ©2020 Bill Scorzari

OCEANS IN YOUR EYES If this all comes down the way it should, then you could be my baby, and I would sing about the river, no, the oceans, in your eyes. And, sometimes what seems bad at first, is good. But, if you’ve got it always figured out, well, then you’ll never be surprised. And, there’s a river in your eyes. No, there are oceans in your eyes, where swirling currents wash around me and keep me spinnin’ ‘round in circles. I’m not just swimmin’ in the water. Yeah, I’m swimmin’ for my life. And, every now and then, I stop, and wonder if, maybe, I’m half crazy. But I can’t seem to hold that thought for too long. Yeah, it’s good work, if you can get it. But, if it’s not gonna save me, then the work that seemed at first alright, just instead, might be all wrong. But, there’s a river in your eyes. No, there are oceans in your eyes, where swirling currents wash around me and keep me spinnin’ ‘round in circles. I’m not just swimmin’ in the water. Yeah, I’m swimmin’ for my life. And, I don’t want to stay here anymore. I’d rather we just make our way out through the door and see what it opens up inside. And, I’ve set my sails against the wind, and if the wind shifts, I’ll just set my sails against the wind again and head in a new direction, with the tide, on the river in your eyes. No, on the oceans in your eyes, where swirling currents wash around me and keep me spinnin’ ‘round in circles. I’m not just swimmin’ in the water. Yeah, I’m swimmin’ for my life, on the river in your eyes. No, on the oceans in your eyes, where swirling currents wash around me and keep me spinnin’ ‘round in circles. I’m not just swimmin’ in the water. Yeah, I’m swimmin’ for my life. ©2012 Bill Scorzari

NOT SHOULD’VE KNOWN I crawled down, in a wishing well about as deep as I could go, and I found there’s still no drawing water there, without a bucket and a long rope. And, then, the thought occurred to me, that, I shoulda spent more time on other things than wishing wells, like, learning how to climb.But, what if I knew, and not shoulda known? What if I knew, and not shoulda known, not shoulda known, and not shoulda known? Well, at least I’ve learned to wander, and at least I learned to leave the hucksters and the conjurers and the land of make-believe. Yeah, I danced out of those hallowed halls, where their dust still fouls the air. And, if I’m not laughing when my number’s called, well, at least I’ll not be there. What if I knew, and not shoulda known? What if I knew, and not shoulda known, not shoulda known, not shoulda known? And then, a man in a yellow jacket, with red death inside his eyes, he asked me for directions. He said, “Hey, how do I get to 95?” “Well,” I just said, “I’m not from here.” But he didn’t care or wish to wait. He just said, “Well, if not 95, then how about Highway 8?” That’s when I reached into my pocket and I, I quickly gave the cashier cash, and then, I hurried out the door before its wind could hit my back. But he ran right out behind me, and he, he put his dark sunglasses on, and like that devil in the night, he brushed my shoulder and then was gone. Now I’m just sittin’ here in my car, thinkin’ about how you and I have changed, and how there’s no guarantee our destiny could ever be the same. Because, no matter how much care we take, there’s still danger on these roads. But, I’m not lookin’ for what’s fair to break, and it doesn’t need to show. No, I’m just waitin’ for the courage to acceptwhat I can’t change. Still, I can’t help but worry ‘bout how sometimes things turn strange and, how, with every situation that confronts me to my core, there comes a realization that I seem to have had before. So, I’m not askin’ you any questions about why you wanna be alone. I saw the love was gone from your eyes when you said it was all true, “And, you? You shoulda known.” But what if I knew and not shoulda known? What if I knew and not shoulda known, not shoulda known, and not shoulda known? ©2016 Bill Scorzari

THE BROKEN HEART SIDE OF THE ROAD She lit my fields with fire from hell. She burned down my home, salted my well. She broke all my bones and left me still, on the broken heart side of the road. She spun what stories she could tell. She mixed her potions, cast her spells. And, now she spends her time on what she wills, on the broken heart side of the road. And then a cold rain in the morning, corkscrewed my cold-planted corn. And then half my crop took twice the time to grow. Yeah, they say that she was born in the jagged rocks and thorns, on the broken heart side of the road. She spooked my horse and broke my plow. She killed all my chickens, stole my cow. She broke my heart and beat my brow, on the broken heart side of the road. Yeah, she led me to believin’ that she never would be leavin’ me. Well, there’s no harder time I ever knowed. Yeah, they say that she was bornin the jagged rocks and thorns, on the broken heart side of the road. The broken heart side of the road. She drug my name all through the mud. She drew both her guns, said, “Stick ‘em up.” Sister, I’ll say I sure had enough of the broken heart side of the © 2019 Bill Scorzari

A GHOST, MY HAT AND MY COAT Yeah, I was walkin’ down the stairs and bein’ followed by a ghost. The night was long and the day looks hard, but I think I’m gettin’ closer to a landing, on my feet again. But I am slippin’, fallin’, stumblin’ still, in my mind. So, you wanna be a fighter? Well, then c’mon, I’ll tag you in, and I’ll grab my hat, and grab my coat and go, and you can call and tell me if you lose or win. And while you’re slippin’, fallin’, stumblin’ still, in your mind, I’m gonna get my, I’m gonna get my hat and my coat. And, you can bet I, yeah, you can bet I’ll be laughin’ when I’m goin’. Yeah, and I’ll bet some of these numbers here, might bring a brighter day. I play them all twelve months a year, in groups of thirty-one and thirty, and twenty-nine or twenty- eight. Yeah, it’s not like I’m not tryin’. And, while I’m slippin’, fallin’, stumblin’ still, in my mind, you say you only wanna blame me, so you can watch me stand accused. But for every finger pointed at me, three are pointed back at you. Yeah, you could never lose, but you can never win, ‘cause while you’re slippin’, fallin’, stumblin’ still, in your mind, I’m gonna get my, I’m gonna get my hat and my coat. And, you can bet I, yeah, you can bet I’ll be laughin’ when I’m goin’. So, take your wreckin’ ball and crash it through my wall, and I’ll just embrace the light it opens to my eyes. And, if it should knock me down, well, I’ll leave you with the sound of the slippin’, fallin’, stumblin’ still, in your mind. And while you’re slippin’, fallin’, stumblin’ still, in your mind, I’m gonna get my, I’m gonna get my hat and my coat. And, you can bet I, yeah, you can bet I’ll be laughin’ when I’m goin’. So, take your wreckin’ ball and crash it through my wall, and I’ll just embrace the light it opens to my eyes. And, if it should knock me down, well, I’ll leave you with the sound of the slippin’, fallin’, stumblin’ still, in your mind. And while you’re slippin’, fallin’, stumblin’ still, in your mind, I’m gonna get my, I’m gonna get my hat and my coat. And, you can bet I, yeah, you can bet I’ll be laughin’ when I’m goin’. And, as I was walkin’ down the stairs, I was bein’ followed by a ghost. ©2016 Bill Scorzari

PATIENCE AND TIME If I could build a house for you, each wall would be a window and nothing more, with a carpet, on the floor, I would lay down for you. And the roof would all be made of windows too. And, we could look up at the sky and listen to the wind blow, and watch the clouds all fly across the moon. The moonlight would shine so bright through all the windows in this room, and we could close our eyes, then watch the sun, fromrise ‘till noon. All our history, everywhere we’d go, everything we’d need, people we’d meet, the things we’d learn, the things we know, would all shine about from inside out, just so. And, I would plant some flowers in a window box for you to see. If I could be your gardener, then I would, whenever I could be. And, I don’t think there’s anything that’s ever been as “this much” on my mind. And, with each day that’s passed, I’m holding fast to patience and time, ‘cause nothing can outlast patience and time. All our history, everywhere we’d go, everything we’d need, people we’d meet, the things we’d learn, the things we know, would all shine about from inside out, just so. And, I’ve traced a space that’s straight and true, and I’ve made it without corners. You could turn them, if you wanted to, and like a mountain top, I’d spin it ‘round real slow, then let it go when you say stop. You know, if you’ve a better view, I would mind it, if you’d want me to. And, I would plant some flowers in a big window box for you to see. If I could be your gardener (your gardener), then I would,whenever I could be. And, I would build a house for you and each wall would be a window and nothing more, with a carpet, on the floor, I would lay down for you, and the roof would all be made of windows too. ©2013 Bill Scorzari

1, 2, 3, JUMP Life, it awoke me, from deep in this sleepy little town. And morning, it spoke to me. So, I decided to try to find my own way around and make my life better. Yeah, but life always seems to have its own ideas. I’m not carryin’ regret, or tryin’ to forget the life that I left there, it’s just the tears. Yeah, it’s just the tears. Then life, it got bigger, more than anything that I could have ever known. The numbers and figures, light years and the days, the endless equation, well, they still didn’t show why life is so beautiful. Yeah, and even as much as life is so strange, and as much as I knew, it would always be true, no matter my point of view, no matter what I could do to change, I’d still know nothin’ about everything. I’d still know nothin’ about everything. So, I took a much longer look, way back into my history. More than I’d ever took. Tryin’ to get right back to the core of the mystery, and swim through the wake of the mistakes I have made on the way, while still just tryin’ to keep my own pace s... s... steady, as I wait for the day that I can cut to the chase and cut to the truth about life. And the truth is, like takin’ a stone and scrapin’ it along the edge of a knife, the longer it takes, the sooner I’ll be ready to cut to the chase and cut to the truth about life. Like takin’ a stone and scrapin’ it along the edge of a knife, the longer it takes, the sooner I’ll be ready to cut to the chase and cut to the truth about life. Like, when my daddy told me, “Boy, when you do what you do out here in the light, just make sure that it won’t be somethin’ that might keep you awake in the night.” Yeah, and he was a good man. And he gave to me, all the things his own life could bring. When I held his and mama’s hand, jumped up and landed, man, that’s when I knew I knew somethin’ enough about everything. When I held his and mama’s hand, jumped up and landed, man, that’s when I knew I knew somethin’ enough about everything. When I held his and mama’s hand, jumped up and landed, man, that’s when I knew I knew somethin’. Enough about everything. Enough about everything. Enough. Enough, about everything. Yeah, life, it awoke me from deep in this sleepy little town. And, morning, it spoke to me. So, I decided to try to find my own way around and make my life better. Yeah, but life always seems to have its own ideas. I’m not carryin’ regret, or tryin’ to forget the life that I left there, it’s just the tears. Yeah, it’s just the tears. Ah, but enough about everything. Enough, about everything. 1, 2, 3, Jump! 1, 2, 3, Jump! 1, 2, 3, Jump! 1, 2, 3, Jump! 1, 2, 3, Jump. ©2016 Bill Scorzari

TRY, TRY AGAIN She said, “Please don’t say another word, unless it’s one I have not heard.” And, on any other night, I might have put up more of a fight. I thought I might see you here again, and, I don’t know why, and, I don’t know when. And, on any other day, I might’ve had more to say than, “Try, try. Mmm, try, try again. Try, try. Mmm, try, try again. Try, try. Mmm, try, try again. Try, try. Try again.” And, there’s that softness in your touch. Your sweet caress, that says so much. By any other name, oh, it wouldn’t feel the same. And, “After now,” you say, “what then? How would we see this in the end?” ...or at any other time? Oh, just pick one, down the line, and try, try. Mmm, try, try again. Try, try. Mmm, try, try again. Try, try. Mmm, try, try again. Try, try. Try again. Well, if it were up to me, well, here’s what I’d do, I’d try to find a way to make it up to you, or any other way that would make you wanna stay and not run and hide. But, if you must, well, I would never give you up, not for this or any other world. And then said my girl, “Try, try. Mmm, try, try again. Try, try. Mmm, try, try again. Try, try. Mmm, try, try again. Try, try. Try again.” ©2012 Bill Scorzari

THE MEASURE OF A MAN Yeah, it’s the ordinary thoughts that are the measure of a man. It’s the day-to-day deeds that count for somethin’. You can bark, you can bite, but even when you are right, in the end you’re still gonna have to gather all the stones that you’ve tossed. And, who caresif your heroes have let you down? Your, your heroes don’t owe you nothin’. They’re just the daughters and sons of the ones who have come to be, also counted among the least, the last and the lost. So, I jumped into a taxi cab, and I said, “Hey man, I’m goin’ nowhere, and I’ve got no time to get there. I’ve just been gettin’ by, goin’, by just readin’ the signs. So, yeah, I’m cool with this situation, where I’m just makin’ my escape from the crime in the alleyways. It’s gettin’ hard to live here, for even just another day. Some don’t even wanna know or care what’s fair out there, I swear and... Oh, hey man, yeah. Your fare is fine.” And, he said, “You know, my sister, Donna, she died in a hurricane, in a hurricane that bore her name, before I was born. Now mama just cries when it rains, but it’s the joyful memories that bring her the most pain. So, when you feel like maybe you might have just come too far to turn back now, from where you are, that does not make it or mean that it won’t still be hard. So, you just keep on goin’, just the same, son.” Yeah, and, if you’re in it to win it, well, you’re bound to be beat. We’re all much taller than this. We’re just bein’ polite. Some would kill with a kiss, and there are some that can’t win a fight. And, if you stay afraid to fall, you’ll never land back on your feet again. And, when the givers and takers all stand tall in their places, casting shadows, briefly, on this mountain, it’s the day-to-day deeds that will count and, it’s all of the ordinary thoughts that are the measure of a man. ©2016 Bill Scorzari

TRYIN’, TRYIN’, TRYIN’, TRYIN’ Tó yistkin. Nááshóogáał, biih ééhániih yistin. Shilá etaaji nááshóogáał ahidihii. Tóziis bii teezh adín. Tóziis nih’yay. Water, turned to ice. Memories frozen in time. Time melts in my hand. Empty hourglass of sand. (Our glass). Shik’is sání wótááhdi, beehool’iń baahádin. T’a yéigo bitsa’ dindíín. Shigun dóó Wyoming bita’gi ayóó inzaad. Old friend in the sky, having no light of its own. Still shining brightly. Wyoming’s far from my home. Chorus: I’m tryin’, tryin’, tryin’, tryin’, tryin’, tryin’, tryin’, tryin’ tryin’, tryin’, tryin’, tryin’ tryin’, tryin’, tryin’. Tryin’ to begin. Tryin’, tryin’. Ch’ééh, Ch’ééh, Ch’ééh. Ch’ééh asht’í. Cryin’, cryin’, cryin’, cryin’, cryin’, cryin’, cryin’, cryin’, cryin’. Cryin’ in the wind. Cryin’, cryin’. Yischa, yischa, yischa. Níyolmdi bii’ yishaa. Dyin’, dyin’, dyin’, dyin’, dyin’, dyin’, dyin’, dyin’, dyin’. Dyin’ from within. Dyin’, dyin’. Da’atsah, da’atsah, da’atsah. Shiyid déé shiiniitsá. Why, why, why why, why why? Ha’át’íí biniinaa? Ha’át’íí biniinaa? Yeah, I miss you and I’m... Yeah, I miss you and I’m... Yeah, I miss you and I’m tryin’, tryin’, tryin’, tryin’. Aoo’, niho’saa dóó ch’ééh, ch’ééh, ch’ééh, ch’ééh.But, I miss you and I’m... Yeah, I miss you and I’m... Yeah, I miss you and I’m cryin’, cryin’, cryin’, cryin’. Aoo’, niho’saa dóó yischa, yischa, yischa, yischa. Yeah, I miss you and I’m... Yeah, I miss you and I’m... Yeah, I miss you and I’m dyin’, dyin’, dyin’, dyin’. Aoo’, niho’saa dóó dastsaah, dastsaah, dastsaah, dastsaah. Yeah, I miss you now. Yeah, I miss you now. Yeah, I miss you now. Why, why, why, why, why, why? Aoo’ k’ad niho’saa. Há’átíísh biniinaa, Há’átíísh biniinaa, Há’átíísh biniinaa, Há’átíísh biniinaa? Chasing your shadows, found in places I have been. You’re in everything. Sorrow has become me now. Nichahsho’ bikéé naanéneesh t’ííłł, ta’díí yah’hee góó da bikéé. Táá’adtsoní. Bihóniló, yinííł. Chʼééh digháhii bits’á bi’yah, nihimá nahasdzáán bah ní whííł né dóó, nizaadgóó dóó ya’ałeehgo iinà. Ha’jołni. Yaa áhályáa. Ihoo’ahh. Under turtle shells. We will tell of Mother Earth, long life and good health. Persevere. Protect. Immerse. Tániil’áí hi’dí’t’áahgo. Tago anááshniił. Náás hogaał aná’hóniił. Hozhogo nitsa’ hakees. Yooch’ííd yot’is a’téé łah átéégo hoogał.Launching dragonflies. Transformation Changing time. Iridescent mind, transcending misleading lies. Salt Wash Navajo calls Native American, desert mount’, Dine’ Spirits from the Moab sand. Naabeehó áshíí bee táádasgiiz, bíní’ts’í’ yiishklizí’, yózhi kéyah dadzi’gai dóó dadził bi niłch’í Moab bileezh bits’áádéé. In past lives I’ve died. Now, I’m right back here again, for another time. Come my ghosts, and take my hand. Ałkʼidááʼ dikwíí hinsh náant’ee. Éída hazt’I, k’ad éi ‘kóó anàà whin shołóó, háshíí nizàà jí. Áadéé shi niłćh’í shilá yiiłtsood. Shilá yiiłtsood. K’ad sá biinaan dza. Béésh ńdinichxííh, óola eí ńda táh. Hidiłtsagóó há’taał. Now, I’m old again. All metal’s always rusting, except the Golden. Everywhere I go, it sings. Yeah, I miss you now. Yeah, I miss you. Aoo’, k’ad niho’saa. Aoo’, niho’saa. Tó yistkin. Nááshóogáał, biih ééhániih yistin. Shilá etaaji nááshóogáał ahidihii. Tóziis bii teezh adín. Tóziis nih’yay. Tóziis nih’yay. © 2019 Bill Scorzari